Grief Isn’t a Problem to Solve: How to Navigate Loss (and When Therapy Helps)
What normal grief looks:
Grief commonly includes:
Waves: intense surges of sadness or longing that crest and fall
Fog: trouble concentrating, forgetfulness, low energy
Body signals: tight chest, heavy limbs, appetite/sleep changes
Push–pull: wanting to talk, then wanting to be alone
Yearning & searching: replaying memories, checking photos/texts, “hearing” their voice in your head
These are healthy—even protective—responses while your brain updates the map of your life without your person in it.
Grief vs. Depression: key differences
Pain with preserved capacity to feel love/joy: In grief, moments of warmth and connection still break through. In depression, almost everything feels dull or pointless most of the time.
Self-worth: Grief says, “I miss them.” Depression often says, “There’s something wrong with me.”
Thoughts of death: In grief, thoughts may center on reunion or “being with” the person. In depression, thoughts can become self-directed or hopeless. Either way, if you have thoughts of harming yourself, please call/text 988 or go to the nearest ER.
When grief gets “stuck”: signs to watch
Some people develop Prolonged Grief (also called Complicated Grief) where intense yearning and impairment persist and don’t soften with time. Warning signs include:
The loss dominates your day most days after several months
You avoid reminders so much that life is shrinking (people, places, dates)
Or the opposite—constant searching/rumination that never gives you relief
Strong guilt, “if only…” or self-blame you can’t loosen
You feel detached from others, life feels permanently meaningless
If pieces of this fit, targeted grief therapy can help you restart natural adaptation—without “moving on” from the person.
Three anchors that help most people in early grief
1) Permission to grieve your way
Tears, numbness, busy days, quiet days—all valid. Try this line when pressured:
“I’m grieving in a way that fits me today.”
2) Tiny structure beats big plans
Wake time within ±60 minutes most days
One meal with protein + one walk or stretch
One connection touchpoint (text, call, sit with someone 10 minutes)
3) Intentional remembering
Set aside brief, safe containers for memory: 10 minutes with photos, telling a favorite story, lighting a candle at dinner, visiting a spot you shared. Naming love reduces the fear that remembering will “break” you.
What grief therapy looks like in my practice
I use evidence-based approaches (CBT, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, Meaning-Centered grief work, and Prolonged Grief Therapy) tailored to your story. Common goals:
Make space for the bond (not erase it): speak to your person, write letters, ritualize dates
Loosen guilt and “if onlys” with gentle cognitive tools
Revisit avoided places at your pace so the world opens up again
Rebuild routines and roles (sleep, meals, work/school, parenting)
Grow a new connection: carrying the relationship forward in how you live, love, and act
My clients often say the aim isn’t “getting over it,” but “carrying it differently—without losing the love.”
A 10-minute plan for the hardest days
When the wave hits, try the 3–3–3 reset:
Body (3 minutes): slow exhale breathing (in 4, out 6), brief walk or stretch
Connection (3 minutes): text/call one safe person or write a few lines to your person
Next step (3 minutes): one tiny task (shower, open blinds, drink water, step onto the porch)
Then decide: repeat once or rest. The win is showing up, not feeling perfect.
Local support & how to start
If you’re in Westmont, Hinsdale, Clarendon Hills, Downers Grove, Oak Brook, or Elmhurst, I offer private, evidence-based grief therapy for adults, teens, and families—virtual or in-person.
Free 15-minute consult: see if we’re a fit
Typical first focus: sleep, structure, and a safe way to talk about your person
Special topics: traumatic loss, anticipatory grief, grief in teens/college students, parenting while grieving
Ready when you are. You don’t have to do this alone.
